Trauma

Rachael uses this word a lot, and she wants to make sure you're hearing it the way she means it, because most people think trauma only means something dramatic. Sexual abuse. A car accident. A war zone. Something enormous and undeniable. And yes, those things are trauma. But that's not the whole picture, and if we only define it that way, we miss almost everything that's actually driving the behavior we're trying to understand.
Trauma, in the way Rachael uses it, is what happens inside of us in response to anything that damages our ability to safely connect with other people. That's it. That's the definition. It could be a parent who was emotionally cold. A household where feelings weren't allowed. A moment where you reached out and nobody was there. None of that has to look dramatic from the outside for it to leave a mark on the inside, on how safe you feel trusting someone, being vulnerable, staying close.
Here's why this matters so much for you right now. Every single reason you'll ever hear for why someone cheats, low self-esteem, boredom, anger, emotional isolation, all of it traces back to trauma. Not as an excuse, but as an explanation. And once you can see that, you stop being stuck in the impossible question of "what's wrong with me that she did this," and you start being able to see the fuller picture. Her trauma is hers to heal. But understanding what trauma actually is will help you make sense of what happened, and more importantly, it'll help you recognize your own patterns so you can start healing yours too.