Self-Love

Self-love is the ongoing practice of understanding, accepting, and caring for yourself, separate from whatever your spouse decides about the marriage. It's not a feeling that happens to you. It's a discipline you build.
A lot of men resist this idea at first. It can feel like their spouse should be doing this work too, and that's a fair thought. But her readiness isn't something you control any more than her thoughts or feelings are. She'll do this work when she's ready, or she won't. That's her path. We each travel this road alone, even inside a marriage. We connect, we love, we support each other, but no one else lives inside your mind. Only you can build your future self.
Rachael Sloan is clear that self-love isn't selfish and it isn't a consolation prize for men who can't save their marriage. It's the foundation everything else stands on. You cannot fully love another person until you've learned to love yourself first. Once you've shifted your focus away from your spouse, reflected honestly on who you've been without tearing yourself apart, and gotten clear on what's really driving your desire to save the marriage, the final step is deciding who you want to become. That decision, and the work of becoming that person, is self-love in action.
Your wife might come back to meet you in the new, hopeful, confident place you've created. She might not. Either way, the work of learning to love yourself is never wasted.